Afterthoughts

It has been about a month now since Beth and I found out that we lost our first baby. I still think back to the day we had to go to the ER and wait 8 hours to find out answers to our questions. I don't know if I have ever felt that low in my entire life. I have also never felt more close to my wife or God ever before. I know that every day since that day that God has been there walking us through this painful time. I have never doubted that! He has given me peace and grace to make it through. The best thing is he has used this to strengthen my relationship with my wife. As weird as it may be to some I am so so excited for her to be pregnant again. I can't wait to see what God has next for us. I know some may be like "how can you just move on?" Well I have to. If I don't I will be living life always hurting over something God never inteded me to keep even if the baby had lived and grown up it was never really mine. God just blessed me with a precious gift a very precious gift! I know that if God didn't give me strength I would not have been able to walk with Beth through this. I never though life would get back to normal but here it is we are back into "normal" life but on the other hand a few weeks ago we had the greatest joy in the world. All the excitement and going to baby sections in stores thinking of names and all. I never wanted it to end. I found my life being totally caught up in my unborn baby. I remember the first time I saw the heart beating in an ultrasound. Talk about unbeleivable. I can still see the facial features the hands and the feet. It was the most beautiful thing ever! I can't help but wonder what the baby would end up being a boy or girl. (I don't care as long as the next one is healthy!!!) I do know that the baby is in the BEST place ever. It never has to deal with pain or ever be seperated from God. That is the best thing ever. It has taken many many hours of fighting and crying for me to be where I am now. God is truly amazing and so so so good! I know that he has a greater plan for all of this that I won't fully understand until I see him face to face. Anyways just a few thoughts I wanted to write down . I don't know if it will be helpful to anyone who may read it but I felt I should write some of the things I have been going through.